SAHMs Annoy Me

….and soon I will be one myself.
Yup, I’m resigning my day job here very shortly.

It wasn’t supposed to end up this way. The plan was, to keep my kids in daycare part time while the other part time I’d be driving them to their summer activities.
Natch, the part time daycare portion of this grand scheme meant (….drumroll….) that I would be lounging around on my porch reading novels or watching the grass grow, or something peaceful. You know, where I’d actually be getting some Me Time here and there. Where I could make a phone call without, “Mommy! Help! He hit me!” or “I just pooped in my underwear!” Hell, just FIVE minutes of tranquility and I’d be orgasmically happy.
And I was so close! Then, the news came like a hatchet: my daycare lady is quitting like 5 days (if I’m lucky) after I’m free of Prairie Dog Land. Leaving me with a big inconvenience–i.e., my kids. Whom I love dearly. But how in the world do SAHM’s get any Me Time? Some blog like 8 hours per day. Are the kids in school? Is there a full time nanny about? Do they secretly ship them off to daycare while their rich husbands go off to Corporati? Or do they quit their jobs once their kids start school so as to avoid those mind-melting toddler years where it’s all potty training, wiping up poop, and finger-wagging while yelling stuff like “Don’t you dare pee in that planter!”?
Working motherhood is no picnic. But, you do get to wear the hat of martyrdom even on days when it’s slow at the office and you’re sitting there playing online games, posting to facebook and chatting with adults. Because, the bottom line is that you’ve actually earned money that day. You’re providing a roof over your children’s head and all that shit. And as hard as this is to admit, the most stressful hours of my day are coming home after work and dealing with the kids. It’s not as troublesome on weekends for some reason, maybe b/c the guilt is gone; the guilt of Not Being There All Day.
Gone Guilt of course has the martyrdom hat of allowing yourself to toss in a DVD for the kids in one room so you can watch Dancing With The Stars in the other, all because you’ve put in your quality mommy time. You’ve taken them to the children’s museum or the park, and by 6:45pm, you’re basically considered “done” at least mentally and guilt-wise. The working mom, however, begins her Kids Portion of the day around 6ish, and you can’t just throw in a video when there is quality time that must be spent.
Definitely a Pick Your Poison situation.
I guess part of the problem is that I have yet to meet a SAHM mom who wants to talk about anything other than her kids, except the hum-drum quotidian events that mark her day, like what items she plans to buy from Costco, and whether to get an SUV or a minivan next. Sure, women at work mention our kids from time to time, but usually only for practical matters like taking a half day off for their dental appointments. But we keep the details to ourselves or divulge our latest kid conundrums to, well, SAHMs, I guess. Or working moms who get to talk on the phone at the same time that we do–like, never.
So. I’ve gotten in with the local mom library crowd during my medical leave, met some moms at the park and so forth. They’re all fine, it’s all good, really.
Still and all, the most interesting women I know are not moms. I raise my vodka glass usually only to them, because of course, SAHMs don’t drink, right? I’ve gotta get hip to this new culture of sahm-hood.