14 Things You’ll Only Understand If Your Husband’s Snoring Keeps You Up All Night

Having a life partner is something that is beautiful and sweet—like, having someone to wake up to every day. But, when you have to fall asleep at night and your partner starts breathing—you know not breathing but wheezing, the pre-snore—you pretty much wish you could drop dead on the spot.

Sleeping next to someone who snores is worse than stubbing your pinky toe on the couch in the dark. It’s worse than burning the breakfast bacon. It’s worse than finishing the last bottle of wine in the house.

1. You always try to go to bed before your man to ensure you can actually fall asleep.

2. And, if your husband falls asleep first, you have to pop an Advil PM to knock out.

3. You know the snoring routine—the moment that he takes a weird-sounding breath, the storm is coming.

4. You have a million techniques to try and get him to stop.

5. Like, the simple “accidental nudge.”

6. Or, the “I’m going to roll over and push you with my butt.”

7. Or, the “I’m going to hit you 14 times with my pillow because I’m over it.”

8. You’ve contemplated sleeping on the couch a lot.

9. But, honestly, your hubby should be the one to sleep on the couch because he’s a f**king animal.

10. You’ve left subtle hints around the house—like nose strips and breathing machine articles.

11. Nothing is worse than the snoring when your man comes home after a couple of beers (or too many).

12. You have to watch TV with captions on because you can’t hear sh*t over him.

13. You actually have slept with headphones in just to get some peace of mind.

14. You’ve contemplated his death more than once.