Getting married is a very special thing. Not everyone can choose someone they like enough to spend the rest of their life with—every single day. Hey, I can’t even stand my family for more than 48-hours, so deciding to be with someone from sunrise-sunset, well, that’s a true commitment.
But, those who are married know that while it is special, it’s not all rainbows and butterflies. Nope, being married is often times a headache and a lot of fighting and complaining. Usually, about who ate the last bit of the ice cream and getting mad at your husband for not doing the dishes the right way. Preach.
1.
[facebook]
"5 years ago i married my best friend, my soulmate, i love you"[real life]
"eat all the leftovers again and i will end you"— mark (@TheCatWhisprer) October 5, 2016
2.
ME: I bought you some new undershirts.
HIM: [genuinely] That's exciting.
NARRATOR: Marriage.— Amy Dillon (@amydillon) February 4, 2016
3.
[crawls out of burning house]
"SIR, IS THERE ANYBODY ELSE INSIDE?"
[flash backs of wife making me watch Big Bang Theory]
"No."— David Hughes (@david8hughes) March 29, 2016
4.
My husband doesn't seem to realize I'm mad at him which is ridiculous because I just spent the last 20 min convincing him I'm not mad at him
— Lurkin' Mom (@LurkAtHomeMom) November 6, 2016
5.
Call me old-fashioned, but I believe marriage should be between a person who hates pickles and another person who will eat that pickle.
— Kate Sidley (@sidleykate) October 21, 2017
6.
50 Shades of Grey, the married-with-kids version:
Attempting to sort 50 white (now grey) socks in laundry basket while husband snores.
— Stephanie Ortiz (@Six_Pack_Mom) April 20, 2017
7.
If at first you don't succeed maybe your wife will just do it for you from now on like that time I loaded the dishwasher.
— Simon Holland (@simoncholland) June 22, 2015
8.
In case you're wondering what marriage is like, my husband and I just fought over the fact that he wouldn't tell me where he hid the candy I asked him to hide from me.
— Lindsey Silver (@EvenTheDogsABoy) February 23, 2018
9.
wife [on phone] Did you preheat the oven like I asked?
me: Yep
wife: What temperature?
me: 534
wife: That's the clock
me
wife
me: 535— Josh (@iwearaonesie) April 16, 2017
10.
Nothing in life can prepare you for how much of marriage is spent just listening to someone cough.
— beth, an alien™ (@bourgeoisalien) May 3, 2016
11.
Until I got married I didn't even know it was possible to chew bubblegum arrogantly.
— Donna McCoy (@Donna_McCoy) January 17, 2017
12.
[leaving for work]
*gives wife a quick kiss*
*spends 10 minutes saying bye to the dog*— Josh (@iwearaonesie) January 18, 2017
13.
You know you've been married a while when you can correctly answer "What's that one person's name in that movie about the thing?"
— Z🎄CK (@Mr_Kapowski) November 4, 2016
14.
My husband won't let me pick up wood at Home Depot because he doesn't want it scratched or bent but I can take care of his children daily.
— bubble girl (@JessObsess) June 20, 2017
15.
Me: Ok, who got Oreo filling on the couch?
Husband:
4:
7:
Me: Well…
7: It really could have been any of us.
4: (licks couch)— Sara Says Stop (@PetrickSara) March 21, 2016
16.
Text from wife: I'm so sorry, I'm gonna be about half an hour late
Me [forgot we were even meeting, still in bed]: you always do this— David Hughes (@david8hughes) November 6, 2016
17.
*sitting in the dark at the kitchen table waiting for my wife*
Hello Karen. Maybe you'd like to tell me who used all my essential oils
— Dan Duvall (@lazerdoov) February 15, 2017
18.
Husband got excited thinking I was touching myself under the covers but I was actually just opening a Kit Kat I didn't wanna share.
— Valerie (@ValeeGrrl) December 30, 2015
19.
My husband is on the roof – only a few inches away from an insurance claim that could completely change my life.
— Stella G. Maddox (@StellaGMaddox) November 2, 2014
20.
WIFE: We really need to think about sticking to our monthly budget
ME: *feeding my pet octopus a bag of emeralds* I agree— Michael hates the holidays (@Home_Halfway) February 21, 2017
21.
Me, "I need to get in shape."
Hubs, "What flavor? Chocolate or Vanilla?"
Me, "Shape, not Shake."
Hubs, "So…."
Me, "Chocolate."— Lady Lawya (@Parkerlawyer) April 19, 2017
22.
Husband: UGH that kid is JUST LIKE YOU.
Me: Wonderful?
H:
M: Charming?
H:
M: Light of your life?
H: [leaves room]
Me: [shouts] SUPER COOL?— Kim Bongiorno (@LetMeStart) October 24, 2015
23.
Marriage is basically agreeing to not sleep in a comfortable position again for the rest of your life.
— QUΞΞN🎃ΔLΔNΔ (@AlanaRockz) November 16, 2015
24.
Marry your true love so you can always wake up together and say, "Breathe the other way".
— Walking Outside In Slippers (@WalkingOutside) April 20, 2017
25.
Wife: You pick dinner.
Me: Pizza.
Wife: No.
Me: Tacos.
Wife: No.
Me: Subs.
Wife: No.
Me: WHAT DO YOU WANT?!
Wife: It's up to you.
— "Bare Minimum Parenting" in bookstores now (@XplodingUnicorn) February 22, 2016
26.
Marriage is essentially two people taking turns pushing down the top of the kitchen garbage so they don't have to take it out.
— Ian Mendes (@ian_mendes) May 20, 2016
27.
Don't marry someone before you see them step on a Lego.
— Jay (@theshamingofjay) May 9, 2017
28.
You: *opens mouth to say something
Me: "Shh, baby, I really don't feel like arguing right now."
-marriage
— Scorpicpanda (@scorpicpanda) March 20, 2016
29.
Wife: I'm going to wine down
Me: You mean wind down
Wife: No— Robert Knop (@FatherWithTwins) March 20, 2017
30.
My wife found a spider in the shower.
Anyway, the open house is this Saturday if you're interested.
— Jeff⚡️ (@JeffSarcastic) September 20, 2016
