Everyone has that one story about going number two that they will never, ever forget. Whether we went to the bathroom at the wrong time, we got caught by someone who we were crushing on, or we had the runs on a date—we all have that story we will never erase from our minds. And, no matter how much we try, how much we drink the pain away—we can’t forget.
So, if you have gone through one of those “f*ck, I can’t believe that actually happened” moments, have no shame or fear, because everyone else in the world has a story, too. And, what will make you feel better about your own poop story than reading other people’s embarrassing poop stories? Nothing.
I was with a guy I really liked, and when we got back to his house, I REALLY had to poop. Usually that wouldn’t make me nervous, but I’d eaten a bag of corn for dinner the night before because ~college life~. My poop was the consistency of soft-serve ice cream, swirling around the toilet bowl with corn pieces in it. It wouldn’t flush, so after panicking, I paid his suite mate 20 bucks to take the blame for it. I will never eat an entire bag of corn again.
My horror story happened a few years ago. I had eaten some shitty burritos and I was at my gym,working out. As I was doing crunches… I shit my pants in front of my crush and I was mortified,to say the least.
I went to Coney Island with my best friend the day before she was leaving to travel abroad indefinitely. I wanted a hot dog, but the line at Nathan’s was absurd, and I saw a dirty water dog cart down a ways with no line. “Suckers!!” I thought “I’ll get my hot dog faster and Nathan’s isn’t even worth that wait.”
Fast forward a bit – I’m dying, literally thinking I’ll just move into the bathroom stall at Coney Island because there’s no way I can be on a train for any amount of time, much less the two hours it will take me to get back to My apartment.
I still live in that bathroom stall. Except no, I threw away my underwear, my pants and bought an over priced sweatshirt to fashion into a skirt.
Learn from my folly – If there’s no line at a hot dog cart, there’s probably a good reason. Also never get the chili.
I was constipated at my boyfriend’s parents’ house, so he gave me Milk of Magnesia. We were lying in bed when I realized I’d taken too much — before I could stand up, diarrhea leaked out of my butthole. I scurried to the bathroom and saw my white thong drenched in what looked like chocolate but smelled like death. I wrapped it in toilet paper and shoved it in the trash. Later that day, we were greeted by his dog, who had a white string hanging out of his mouth. After a struggle, my boyfriend pulled the string, revealing my mangled thong.
One night, I REALLY had to poop while staying at my new boo’s place, so I did what any girl would: I pretended to shower so I could do the deed in peace. But something was wrong with his toilet and I couldn’t hold it in — so suddenly, I was shitting IN HIS SHOWER. He kept asking through the door if I was OK, so I kept insisting I didn’t feel well and was “letting the water run over me” — but I was actually trying to shove the poop down his shower drain. All he wanted to do after I got out was cuddle.
I was at school one day and was in between classes. There was a nice bathroom at one of the buildings that I liked to use. I went in thinking it was gonna be a normal poop but ended up having a really long, disgusting one. I didn’t want anyone hearing so I would do this “trick” where if it felt like it was gonna be loud I would pull on the loud toilet paper dispenser. After doing that a couple times I was finished. I wiped and went to flush the toilet but I had CLOGGED IT. I kept flushing a bunch of times, it being one of the nicer bathrooms I could hear people waiting in line for a stall. There were only three stalls. So I kept flushing and it finally unclogged but it started to overflow. I ended up just running out of the bathroom when that happened without washing my hands completely embarrassed and pushing through the line. I still feel embarrassed to this day about it.
When I was in 6th grade I stayed the night at a friends house and got food poisoning from dinner and was sick out of both ends. To make matters worse, they didn’t have a garbage can in their bathroom and the toilet was far away from the tub and sink! Here I am 11 years old trying to decide to shit or barf in the toilet, so I ended up pooping in my pants….. multiple times since this was back in the day before cell phones and my parents weren’t home. Good times
I went to Costa Rica with my boyfriend whom I hadn’t been dating for long. My stomach had been upset all day, and during lunch, while wearing white shorts, I shit my pants. I hurried to the bathroom, but there was no running water in the sink. However, there was water in the toilet…so I shamefully rinsed my shorts in the gross porcelain bowl. I came trudging out, filthy water dripping down my legs, and announced lunch was over.
I had jut gotten home from eating buffalo chicken fingers at a restaurant. I was in the kitchen talking to my mom when I felt a gurgle in my stomach. I let out what I thought would be a fart but actually started in my pants. I waddled up the stairs to take off my shit filled underwear and clean myself. I get out of the shower and hear my mom scream. The dog got into the bag with my shit filled underwear and had dragged them around the house. It was a mess. He had brown stains on his mouth for days.
I went on a trip with some friends to the beach. There were five of us and my friend’s mom. The last day I was feeling particularly brave and so I decided that it was okay to poop “we’re leaving in less than an hour it’s fine” I thought. Biggest mistake of my life. I pooped, and mind you it wasn’t even that much cause I was scared of it not going away, but when I flushed IT DIDNT GO AWAY. The water went away but that asshole of a toilet just let the shit sit there. My effort literally went to shit. And so there I am freaking the fuck out because we’re leaving in twenty minutes and I can’t just leave it there. In my desperation I flushed the toilet again which only made it worse because now the toilet was full of water and the shit was just floating in circles. My best friend then knocks on the door and asks me if I’m done. I sure as fuck am not but I can’t tell her that so an idea flashes through my mind. I open the door just a crack and I tell her “Dude I just had my period, do you have anything I can use?” She then says “I only have pads, but the little ones” That was the response I was hoping for and you’ll see why in a sec. Then I tell her if she could bring me two of those and she gives them to me. Now listen, I’d given up on the toilet completely flushing but what really bothered me was someone seeing that piece of poop on the surface, and so I did what I had to do. I took one of the pads, completely extended it, took half of the poop, threw it in the trash and proceeded to the same with the other. You could still see the poop through the pad so I had to put some toilet paper and cover that shit up. Needless to say I felt gross…..and proud.