There are always two sides to every story. When we read a story of someone “dragging” or attacking their character on social media, I’m usually skeptical about whether or not I want to believe all of the details, because the other person is not there to plead their case. But, sometimes, the person who’s arguing against the other digs himself a deep, deep hole to bury the entire point—giving us no choice but to side with the other party.
Recently, one single father took to Reddit to ask the world for advice on his “deadbeat” baby momma. The father complained that the mother decided to completely neglect their son and decided against being apart of their son’s life. In any situation, I would side with the father usually—but, not in this case. In the details provided, the mother showcases that she did not want to have the baby in the first place, and, has lived up and held up her end of the parenthood job by providing child support.
[NM] I got a girl pregnant and she wanted to get an abortion but I didn’t want that. She ended up not getting one but now she is not involved at all.
We weren’t in a serious relationship when she got pregnant. She has never met our son. Even after the birth she had no desire to see him. We went to court to figure custody and support could be figured out and I have 100% full legal and physical custody. Her name is on the birth certificate but she has no custody and no right to visitation or to make things like medical or education decisions. She didn’t want any of that. Every month she pays 125% of the court ordered child support. She says that if I ever marry someone who wants to adopt him she will agree but until then she’ll pay support. It’s been this way since our son was born.
I’m raising our son all on my own. He is 18 months old now and he has never met her and I don’t even have any photos of her even. I am burned out and hate being a single parent. I love my son but I resent him. My family tries to help when they can but I do it most of the time. I would never hurt or neglect him but I am exhausted all the time. I tried to go to court to give her split custody but because she wanted an abortion and I didn’t and she made it clear she would never be involved after the birth, and because we went to court when he was 6 months old but because we already went after he was born and agreed on things and now she pays more support than is court ordered the judge said he can’t force her to look after him. I haven’t seen her in almost a year and the last I heard she has a tummy tuck and laser stretch marks treatment and is working at a gym. She also told her friends and family she is an egg donor and not a mother. She is a deadbeat mom and the court won’t do anything and is forcing me to struggle as a single parent. Do I have any legal remedies here?
In my opinion, this father is absolutely wrong in his name-calling of this woman as a “deadbeat mom.” A deadbeat mom would not be paying child support—especially for a child she was up front and open about not wanting. The man who forced her into having a child she did not want is someone, in my book, who is wrong.
Many people on Reddit agreed that the father was out of line.
So let me get this straight. You resent the child you forced someone else to bring in to the world under the condition that you be the sole caregiver? You want to force someone who DOES NOT WANT anything to do with this child to share caretaking? First off, why would you want to damage your child like that by forcing them to spend time with someone who wants nothing to do with them. That doesn’t make you a very good father at all. Second, why are you calling her a deadbeat? How can you call someone you forced to give birth, under the condition that she has nothing to do with the child, a deadbeat when she pays MORE than the required child support? And third, no. The courts will not force someone who wants nothing to do with a child to take care of them other than financially, because that could endanger the child.
I’d say she’s a good mom. She was clear what her terms were for having the child that she didn’t want. You agreed to those terms. She’s paying child support and by what you’re saying, she is paying more than she has to. Out of the two of you, she is the one who has the kid’s best interests at heart. You either need to do your part like you agreed on or give the kid up for adoption and put all three of you out of your misery. Because she wanted to abort the child, only kept it because of your insistence and is doing the share of the work that was agreed on, I really don’t think that you have a leg to stand on, legally speaking. I’m sorry that you’re not finding parenthood to be the fairytale dreamland that you thought it would be, but it was your choice and you have to live with it.
Your legal power against her is restricted to making her pay child support, which she does. You can’t force her to actually parent.
You can look into adoption, if parenthood is not right for you.
Any legal remedies for what?
She is not a deadbeat. Deadbeats don’t pay 125% of child support.
Congratulations, you now know what life looks like for most single mothers. Grow up, you entitled twit.
As a woman, the most offensive thing OP has said is “I thought she’d bond with the kid!” Yeah , and fairies will fly and unicorns will fart rainbows!
I’ve been childfree all my life and I’ve taken steps to ensure I fever had kids. Guess what? I’ve never changed my mind. It’s called being an adult and taking responsibility for my decisions, something you seem unable to do.
Interesting. So the fact that she suffered through the agony of pregnancy (I myself am 7 months pregnant-it’s agony) but that wasn’t enough, you want to force her to take care of a child she didn’t want at all. Make sure to add insult to injury. Nice. Sorry your plan didn’t work out and your extremely generous offer of being in a relationship with her wasn’t appealing enough. You seem like a catch… Not.
Maybe you should consider the way this feels when women are fighting for the right to choose… The fact that so many women are in the same position as you because dads bail all.of.the.time (more than moms) should really provide a different perspective on abortion. Boo fucking hoo you got the shitty end of the stick and have to do this all alone… Just like millions of single moms do everyday. Sorry no sympathy for you but I’m loving the karma!
At the end of the day, bringing a child into this world when they are not wanted is a bad idea. Not only does it set the child up for an unsupportive life with a lot of confusion, but, people will grow to have immense resentment towards those who have pushed a family and children on them.
What do you think—who’s wrong in this situation?