Thanksgiving can be an amazing time where we get to take off work, kick back, and spend some much-needed quality time with our family. Between the food, the football, and the booze—Thanksgiving happens to be one of my favorite holidays. And, seeing my family all together, talking about all the things they are grateful for—it truly warms my heart.
But, as we all know, not every holiday can be an epic success. All families have that “one story” from a holiday that never, ever goes untold. Every time you get together, someone brings it up. Thanks to one Reddit user, people online are sharing their wildest Thanksgiving stories that will make your own family seem pretty “normal.”
My grandma accidentally poured dish soap on the turkey instead of oil… might have been one of the funniest but most upsetting things I’ve ever seen.
I thought it would be a funny prank to put a rubber chicken in the oven on Thanksgiving. My mom would laugh and laugh. Ho ho ho, there’s a rubber chicken in the oven, what a gag.
13 year old me didn’t realize that normal adults usually preheat the oven before putting the turkey in.
My aunt not being able to come because she was in jail for trying to shoplift a turkey from the grocery.
My mother and grandmother had plans to go to a restaurant last year, my sister convinces them to go somewhere else at last minute. Of course this means no reservations but sister is convinced that it’ll be fine and they might just have to wait a few minutes for a table. I live in another state so I get to experience all of this from a distance.
They end up sitting at the bar while waiting for a table, having a few drinks and appetizers. After the 2nd round of martinis my mother looks over and my grandmother is leaning back in her chair, completely limp and unresponsive. Everyone freaks out, paramedics are called, grandma is rushed to the ER.
I’m 1,200 miles away when my mother calls to tell me what happened. At this point grandma is at the ER, still unresponsive, crazy low blood pressure and high heart rate. I’m ready to book plane tickets and rush to the airport when mom calls back “Don’t worry, everything’s OK, your grandmother just got drunk.” Her blood test came back completely normal except with a BAC of 0.24 (3x legal limit). She was awake now so I got to talk to her and she was crying “I’m so sorry, I’ve ruined Thanksgiving.” I assured her that she hasn’t ruined Thanksgiving, and that everyone is just happy she’s OK.
So my grandma is 90 years old, about 4’8″, 100lbs. She hadn’t eaten anything all day because she knew they were having a big dinner. She also ordered another martini while no one was looking, so the 2nd martini was actually her 3rd. This turned into the perfect storm of really drunk grandma.
My grandparents had a new oven, and my grandmother had never made a turkey in it before. The turkey drippings somehow caught fire and the kitchen filled up with smoke. We called 911 but by the time the fire department arrived, my dad and grandfather had put out the fire.
So, when the firemen arrived, there was no more fire. They were really nice and understanding. My grandmother was mortified. My drunk aunt tried hitting on all of the firemen even though she had a good 25-30 years on them. My cousin and I just stood in the front yard drinking beers in silence, watching it all play out.
Spent all day cleaning the house for the guests. Made sure the windows were incredibly clean and clear.
Little brother and cousin were chasing eachother outside. Brother comes running through the door which was clearly open because you couldn’t see the gla- uh oh.
He slammed through the plate glass window and got a massive gash on his face and leg. 80 stitches, plastic surgery, and a multiple day hospital stay.
I was having a farting contest with my cousin in the bathroom. She let out one of those ones that ends in an upturned squeak, like her asshole was meekly asking me a question. I lost it and threw my head back in laughter, and when my head came back down, it was into the granite countertop. at like 127 mph. I split my forehead open and had to go to the ER for stitches.But waittheresmore.
In the ER, one of the nurses asked how I cut my forehead and I told her I was laughing at a fart. She laugh-farted in response.
I was 11 so obviously it was the funniest goddamn thing that had ever happened to me.
Anyway I’m 30 now and still have that stupid scar right between my eyebrows and sometimes I remember how I ruined thanksgiving like 20 years ago and then a nurse farted and I laugh.
At my friend’s conservative catholic family’s house for thanksgiving, and his older brother told everyone that my pal had gotten a tattoo. His parents were pissed, and forced him to show them the tattoo. When they saw that it was a dollar sign on his left butt cheek, there were tears.
When I was a little kid, I asked to say the prayer. It was a big honor to get to say it. My family was notorious for fighting so I said my little prayer all nice and cute then ended with a smartass “God please let my family act normal today and not fight”. Before I could blink my German grandmother slapped me across the face really hard which pissed my mother off. Lots of yelling and we left.
My great grandmother died at the table right as we were bowing our heads to pray on Thanksgiving. She had been slowly dwindling in health so the whole family gathered together figuring it was her last Thanksgiving, little did we know how right we were. Her kids, their kids and their kids kids, family she hasn’t seen in years, about 20 people all gathered around with her pushed up in her recliner. Food is stuffed on the table and we bow our heads to pray (she was devoutly religious) before we dig in. As we raise our heads and open our eyes we find great grandma slumped over, tongue lolling out dead. As someone started compressions and another person called an ambulance, my youngest cousin dug into her meal completely unaffected by the dead body. Anyway, a nice memory for Thanksgiving every year.