21 Christmas Traditions That Can F*ck Right Off

While we all love the holidays, we don’t all love everything about the holidays. There are many of us who enjoy seeing friends and family, but we hate all of the crazy sales, commercials, “shop, shop, shop,” mentality, and other crap that surrounds December and the holiday season. Sure, it’s tradition, but, it can really f**k right off. People online have been sharing the Christmas traditions they low-key hate, and we can’t agree more.


Maybe not a “tradition,” per se, but something that has certainly become virulent and obnoxious: all these fuckdamn car commercials that try to insinuate buying really expensive surprise vehicles for someone else for Christmas is perfectly normal. I can’t wait for that shit to be over.



Exchanging gifts with coworkers. I’m so done trying to find that “little something.”



Same selection of 5 songs playing in EVERY store.



IMO Secret santa can be a real pain in the ass if you don’t know the person you have to buy a gift for.



Holy shit, I was at the dentist for a cleaning recently. Had Mariah Carey, all I want for Christmas, on repeat. For an hour. While this dental hygienist stabbed me in the face the whole time, fish hooking me with a mirror.

I feel like I’m ready to be a POW. If I survived that, enhanced interrogation will be a cake walk.



People buying pets for Christmas presents. It’s cute for a bit until they realize that raising an animal takes a lot of effort so the shelters get a lot of people giving away their dogs in January, more than any other month.



Not a tradition per se, but every fuckin’ jewelry store always has ads about getting the ring for THE ONE and buying necklaces and all that bullshit for your lovely girlfriend and how they have wonderful holiday sales that will make you jizz your pants and WE GET IT I’M ALONE.



“Son, I want you to come here and hug this guy you’ve never met before. Now give Auntie Mothballs a kiss on the cheek.”

Stop making kids do this shit.



The fact that because I haven’t reproduced I’d get laughed at if I suggested having Christmas dinner at my place. Even though my apartment is bigger than my aunt’s, and I’m a way better cook. Like why waste $65 on some beef if you aren’t going to have a probe thermometer in it and just “oven take the wheel” that shit.



fancy work christmas parties that you need a really nice outfit for. i don’t want to go, don’t want to dress up, and i’d rather they gave us the money for teh rented space, booze, and catered food as a bonus or time off.