Pray for these people.
What she said to me: “I want to blow your brains out!”
What she meant: “I want to blow your mind!”
I shouted POUND IT INTO ME right in his face, for no reason. Scared the life out of him and he flopped in seconds. It haunts me sometimes. We are still together and it’s never mentioned but I burn with shame when I think of it
She said something along the lines of “you love my pussy, don’t you” and I thought it would be funny to reply “eh, it’s alright”
Not me, but my ex [a straight girl] once drunkenly said my youngest sisters name in the heat of it. Ended things extremely quickly. I am a guy….
Getting a bj. Accidentally farted, decided to not say anything in hopes of it not smelling like absolute sh*t…20 seconds pass, it smelled like someone sh*t on the floor…needless to say it ended right there.
I called my boyfriend “Dad” instead of “Daddy”
One of the first times I was having sex with my first girlfriend I got a leg cramp mid thrust and just screamed out “My Leg!”
As I nearly flung myself off the bed. That fish from Spongebob became way funnier after that.
My ex is going to town on top of me. We’re both having a great time we’re both close. It’s about to be one of those magical moments where everybody cums together. He looks me in my eyes and asks if I like that. My stupid f**king mouth decided to say “Oh yeah” like the goddamn Kool-Aid man and then my boyfriend started laughing so hard he went soft.
Asked High School on/off girlfriend to marry me while mid climax. She declined.
I used to have a friends with benefits thing with this girl named Angela. After her, I started dating a girl named Andrea. One time I called Andrea Angela. That ended pretty quick.
I was f**king a girl once and she asked if I could feel the Mediterranean breeze in her pussy.
I was getting a pre-sex bj from my girlfriend and she turned on the TV for background noise and I happened to see that G.I. Joe was on so I said “is that G.I. Joe?” And she choked on my dick laughing and now it’s an inside joke
My wife was feeling really frisky one night and was telling me she wanted me.
I tried to, in my sexiest voice, to sound all turned on and blurted, “Do you want some weiner sex?”
Needless to say, no, she didnt want weiner sex.
When I was 16 and very inexperienced, I thought I be a little adventurous with my then-bf. So I slip my hand down his shorts hoping to give him a little joy, except I didn’t understand that dicks tend to tuck against one leg instead of floating right in the middle. Cue me patting him frantically and saying with genuine concern “where is it?” Didn’t live that down the next 2 years of that relationship.
I was with my then girlfriend. At the moment of truth I shouted, at the top of my lungs, “I’M CUMMING INSIDE YOU SO HARD RIGHT NOW!!!”
She froze, her eyes wide …And then she burst out laughing.
We’ve been married for over 20 years.
When the children aren’t around, she’ll randomly yell, at the top of her lungs, “I’M CUMMING INSIDE YOU SO HARD RIGHT NOW!!!”
20 year inside joke.
My girl once put her hand on my dick and said “pull the lever, Kronk!” when things were starting to get hot. I started laughing so much I couldn’t keep it hard.
I brought home a girl from a bar one night. She was on top, and asked me if I liked it rough. I said something like “yeah, baby”. I had my eyes closed for a few seconds, and when I opened them she had her fist cocked back, with a big sh*t eating grin on her face.
She clocked me in face (closed fist), and then was surprised when I pushed her off. I should never have had said “yeah”.
I was experimenting with my girlfriend, we hadn’t done anything sexual before, and midway through teaching her how to give a handjob I said “I think you’ve got the grip of it”.
That was the end of that for the night.
We were going at it, and my girl let out the perfect “uhhhh” sound, and that triggered a Pavlovian response in me where I blurted out “Na-nah -Na-nah”.
We had to stop and laugh our asses off for like five minutes before continuing.
Before we began, I got up to go grab a condom. The girl was like, “Just so you know, I’m on birth control. I got the implant. You can feel it right here.”
Rather than say something like, I just like to be sure or something non offensive, I looked her dead in the eyes said, “Well, I’ve had a vasectomy. I don’t wear condoms to prevent babies.”
She never called me back.
Having two very young kids we’ve become very familiar with a lot of nursery rhymes and what not, and one time during sexy times in the midst of it I somehow blurted out “Johnny Johnny yes papa….” Thankfully my wife had a sense of humor and she went “OH YES, YES, PAPA!”